PD= disorders that are histrionic, sociopathic, bi-polar and narcissistic
Living with a mate/significant other that has a personality disorder is enduring to say the least. Just the everyday sort of things become complicated and it clutters our minds. When it comes to intimacy, at any level, where do you believe you are? Intimacy is a relatively large percentage of what makes a relationship work. The spectrum of intimacy include, Sexual, Verbal, Emotion, Intellectual, Spiritual and the Psyche. Emphasis on the sexual aspect, due to how today’s society advocates it as a freedom of expression, is much too high. The true intention of sexual intimacy is to bring together a deeper sense of love, to share the inner most self, to integrate the genders where they compliment one another emotionally. Herein lies the problem with personality disorders, they cannot integrate with another at any level of intimacy. Sure, they may want love and intimacy, however, it is upon their terms. They have difficulty in “object constancy”or “splitting.” Splitting is a term used to describe how a personality disordered person views people in a black or white manner. They are either all bad or they are all good, and someone that was all good one day, can be all bad another day. It is no wonder why a personality disordered person cannot integrate at intimate levels. The confusion rages on!
PD people live in the present, more accurately, they live in the moment. They are not concerned with the past nor the future. “Flying by the seat of their pants” is more satisfying than planning ahead. As for the past, they suffer from what if called, “emotional amnesia.” This lack of memory is the inability to retain past pleasureable and intimate experiences. Common responses from your PD would sound like, “I don’t recall it happening that way”, “You are a liar and are making things up!” They truly cannot remember because intimacy is too complex, therefore it is not pleasurable to them. It is a mechanism that dilineates these emotional experiences as insignificant data, data that it only hinders their prime objectives, so they hit their brain’s delete button. A healthy personality uses the past to correct future mistakes. PD’s make no mistakes, so why bother with the past? That being said, how are we to expect them to change and embrace the true concepts of intimacy? Their anal and subjective line of reasoning restricts their motivation to manifest intimacy at all! To do so, would only distract them from their perceived allegiance to their already weakened state of mind.
Sex in the mind of a PD is primarily for immediate gratification. They are forward about their sexual desires, they may want to experiment, typically though, there is no true foreplay, no true passion, no true bonding with intimate talk, they may not even be inclined to kiss. They are interested only in the result, to fulfill an orgasm(s). They are intimidated by the reality of intimacy for it could reveal their true inner self. They may want to get close, but not too close. PD’s feel they are entitled to ALL YOUR LOVE, without reciprocation. Their ego demands such entitlement in all aspects of what they believe to be, a meaningful relationship. High ego, no self-esteem, therefore, they cannot betray themselves by allowing someone else to enter their world. It’s a “No Trespassing” zone.
Despite the reasons for their condition, be it, a traumatic life experience, a genetic predisposition, biochemical imbalances, one fact remains constant,..it is affecting the healthy personality, the victim of this abuse. Understand this with the utmost clarity, the prognosis is poor at best that PD’s will ever recover or change. This is not to say it is impossible, what I AM saying, it is HIGHLY improbable. Science is making headway in the treatment of specific personality disorders with drugs. However, like most drugs, there are numerous side effects. It then becomes, “which is worst, the cure or the disease itself.” Counselling for conditions like Narcissism, Histrionic, and Sociopathic could take years and in most cases, it has been unsuccessful.
We all as humans wish to love and be loved in ways that give us value, that the person we are with is our true confidant and lover. It doesn’t have to be perfect, it simply requires that we recognize our minor human differences, to take those things in stride, accept that person for who they are, be mutually agreeable, diplomatic and respectful. Share ideas and notions without adversity, and if you do, come to a resolve immediately. Be faithful and trust one another implicitly. These are the things you look for in a mate that will probably never come to fruition in a Personality Disordered relationship.
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