NPD/BPD- Men, understanding your female tormentor..

The basic natural differences between women and men are this, “women desire to be loved and cherished, while men have to feel needed/useful and appreciated.  Women by nature are more emotional thinkers, while men are more logical thinkers.  In other words, on the scale of emotion, there are definite variances between the genders .  Environment and life long experiences has a significant impact upon the development of emotions despite gender. Men for example, dependent upon their childhood and adolescent experiences, will determine their emotional adeptness.  There are many men that have grown up in loving, and healthy environments and will display such good characteristics in adulthood. These men are typically the target for a personality disordered woman.  As we previously stated, the nature of a man is to feel useful, needed and appreciated.  Women know this all too well. It’s an undeniable fact,  the nature of women is to use their sexuality to coerce men for favors. With this being said, there are healthy and subtle forms of such female manipulation tactics.  If a woman should use her female prowess to manipulate her man then, it should be followed by sincere gestures of appreciation, as well, if the man knows his woman will appreciate what he does for her, then it becomes a mutually acceptable scenario without resentment.  The female NPD/BPD takes coercion to levels unimaginable by most normal people. In fact, if a man were to tell stories of his trials and tribulations with his NPD/BPD mate, most  people would find it hard to fathom or believe.This is usually the onset of a man’s self-doubt.

It is agreed that the gist of psychological problems in either gender stem from childhood to adolescent stages. These conditions/disorders are usually further exacerbated through interpersonal interaction in adulthood as well.  Emphasizing the traits and characteristics of  the typical female gender, coupled with a personality disorder, there is no better candidate to purvey emotional abuse.

Premeditated behavior is considered as conscious/aware or cognizant behavior.  Conditioned behaviors are based upon a repetitious engagement of behavior that is predictable or consistent, without pre-thought or required consciousness of the act.  As it relates to premeditated or conditioned behaviors, we must consider the capacity of the female brain.  We will first put to bed theories about intellectual superiority, ”men and women both have equal intellectual capacity.”  Where our brain functions differ relates to evolution. By design through evolution, gender specific features are built into the brain. Also by design, these differences are complimentary to one another, therefore,  men and women were designed  to collaborate their emotions, intimacy at all levels, and when the compliment of these human aspects are mutually suitable, they will unify. In relationships whereby there is a personality disordered partner, the path towards unification has many “potholes.”

Interesting imaging research about the brain and its ability to solve problems reveal that  men and women given identical tasks, each of their brains took two distinctly different neuropaths to accomplish the same task.  This is due in part to evolutionary innate/primal design differences of the female/male brain, i.e., the brain map/architecture is different in each gender. In summary, the approach and the methods by which a man or a woman creates an abusive scenario in a relationship is very different too, however, the results are the same. Abuse.

It is supposed, that women have the ability to engage/access both hemispheres of the brain simultaneously, whereas the man must “switch gears” to access one side or the other. Keep in mind, be it man or woman, these actions take place within microseconds. Our brain’s integration of the hemisphere’s is maintained through the Corpus Callosum. Hundreds of millions of axonic connections that allow the brain to act and react as a whole entity.  No studies to date have proven that the corpus callosum itself is truly different between male and female ( beliefs that one gender or the other had prevailing mass of the corpus callosum). Other studies reveal differences of how the corpus callosum maintains itself through mental and physiological processes.

For simplicity sake, let’s take for example an emotion/feeling, such as being empathetic. If our ability to be empathetic is present, that means a “continuum” or ”loop” is developed within the brain for empathy. When we consciously program empathy as an emotion during childhood/adolescent years, the mental, biological, physiological, and neurological systems kick in to maintain a healthy continuum for empathy.  The absence or presence of a healthy behavioral connection is apparent via the corpus callosum. Therefore, if someone has been diagnosed with a personality disorder, most likely there are going to be impaired,or have abnormal integration of neural networks and structures, visible through corpus callosum.  Now, let’s take a personality disordered individual who has the absence of this emotion, which in turn means, absence of the “loop”,i.e., incomplete connection and neural activity concerning this emotion/feeling. When the personality disordered individual initiates a conscious decision(during childhood/adolescent), the neuropaths will be based upon environmental survival and comfort(self-preservation), it is a security system of sorts that has been created. Now it becomes an issue of maintaining this mindset, or to create a new one that is more beneficial towards true human interaction.

Now that you understand some of the gender differences, you should now surmise that again, the abusive outcomes are relatively the same, we as men and women simply have different approaches towards abusive behavior. However, a predator is a predator, and abuse is abuse.  What I will delineate here is for the sake of men in abusive relationships. What I conveyed above is to help the abused understand, this is indeed a cerebral wiring problem established in youth. The most unfortunate part is that it typically gets worse as they become older and the prognosis for recovery is slim to none. There are no medications for NPD, BPD, Histrionic, and Anti-social disorders. It is not a physiological disorder, what it is though is a series of life events that by this individuals choice, have created abnormal thought patterns that self-protective in nature. They have by-passed the good emotional side of the brain through these experiences and thoughts. Simply stated, it’s a self-induced rerouting of normal brain processes, not a disease, nor a chemical imbalance. During their youth, they have consciously sacrificed the human emotional side in order to preserve self at any cost. It then becomes a skill set, a talent of deception, and manipulation techniques.   You ever hear the old saying, “age and cunning will always overcome youth and stupidity?”  Well, in the case of a BPD/NPD/Histrionic, their age and cunning (experience) shows in their personality disorder. Their skills become more honed through their years of dysfunctional relationship experiences and it becomes less of a challenge.  This lack of challenge creates a stronger need for supply, and will make them more socially and/or inter-personally inadequate. This is the main reason for their inability to recognize their condition and the desire to change. In the case of a woman with such a disorder, the emotional ties they have to self are much stronger than the male abuser.

Studies have shown that the female brain has the ability to use language more effectively and efficiently than men. Couple that with the disorder, the emotional aspect of the woman’s brain, and you have a lethal mouth of abuse. Men of the world that are involved with an abusive woman, please do not try to make sense of what they say, do not take it personally, and most of all, do not believe a damn thing they say. Manipulation and control is their ultimate goal. Although the ultimate goal of a male or female abuser is the same, ( control ) the female abusers are much more savvy manipulators than men. They are quick thinkers on their feet and will sling anything at the wall they believe will stick.

As well, women by design are visually sensual/sexual. It this sense, a BPD/NPD/Histrionic are aware of this powerful tool when engaging  a man. The female BPD/NPD/Histrionic is so aware that they also tend to be highly promiscuous. Most women with BPD/NPD/Histrionics are highly conscious of the value in seductiveness where it concerns controlling a man. The sad part is, this value is also a “yardstick” by which they measure themselves. For all you men, watch your significant other when in social environments. They will usually intentionally stand next to a man in mixed gender scenario.  Watch how much closer she will stand to a man Vs a woman. She will usually touch the man in some way( bicep, waistline, hand), especially if there is humor, laughing.  Usually, if she is uncomfortable with the women in a mixed gender conversation, she will move on to the next mixed gender group or she may join a conversation amongst male groups. This is due in part to the lack of attention she is receiving.  The larger the function, the less you will see of her, if you are inside, she’ll be outside. If you attempt to join in her social interactions with others, she could become annoyed, possibly accusing you later of being possessive or mistrusting.  if this should occur, beware, because when you get home, she’ll be prepared to lambast you. Bottom line, she is seeking attention anyway she can, and you simply disrupt that freedom she needs to do so.

 

It is normal/healthy to be independent from your s.o. while being social, to break away from one another and be social, however, it is in your best interest to observe how your significant other interacts with others, especially men.  Women in committed relationships, being in social environments naturally engage other men in conversations, and there is nothing wrong with this approach. However, to gain the attention of other men through their female sexuality is not healthy when in a committed relationship. First and foremost, in such social environments,  when a woman engages another man in this way, he is picking up on these signs. She is entering another man’s sexual space with her smiles, her closeness, etc.  She shows interest in what this man says, making certain eye contact, she knows where to touch him as previously mentioned.  He senses the sexual body language she conveys, and this man begins to feel vulnerable to her. The path of his blood flow has been redirected from his brain to his penis, metaphorically speaking, i.e., he is sensually aroused by her actions. She has created a new value in another man’s mind. This is how opportunity begins. Your s.o. will most likely never remember any of these men’s names, but she will remember their reactions, and will decide for herself where there is opportunity.

If you have an active social life together, one of the latest discoveries is that a female BPD/NPD could possibly entertain the idea of sex with multiple partners or at least ask your opinion of such. Let’s face it, societal view of sex has changed dramatically these days, however, if you the man truly feel committment to your mate is most important, and you have observed excessively flirtatious behavior, coupled with her thought about multiple partners, then I suggest you should reevaluate the possible fate of your relationship. Especially if you are dealing with all the other emotionally and verbally abusive characteristics of this woman, and have observed such flirtatious social interaction as described above, then you are at risk of infidelity. Do not write it off as, “that’s just the way she is” or “she’s always been that way”, or “it’s just harmless fun in my opinion”. Remember, she is manipulative, deceptive, elusive, and she will lie to you. She wants you to believe it’s all harmless, it is part of her control factor.

One other statistic that has recently come to light is that one of the primary  reasons a man stays in an abusive relationship with an NPD/BPD woman was SEX. This study revealed that the sexual aspects of these dysfunctional relationships were consistently described as “incredible.”  Think about it men, what are your priorities in a committed relationship? Guys, you should fear this aspect of your BPD/NPD, not only for her promiscuity,  you could also become a possible (more likely probable) victim of STD’s if she should fulfill her desires for  sexual encounter(s) outside the relationship. The decision is yours!  (See also: Header = Personality Disorder and Infidelity)

Any women that read this will most likely disagree with the following fact, based upon their own individual experience, however, it is common knowledge that women typically control the frequency of sex in most interpersonal relationships. The difference with a NPD/BPD is that not only will they control the frequency, they will control the intimacy as well. Mostly to avoid intimacy, and satiate their sexual desires only in a physical sense.  That is to achieve an orgasm(s) and nothing more. Remember this as well, everything these disordered individuals do is for self-serving purposes. Typically they are anxious to do the act, they are open to new sexual acts, and will control what acts shall be performed at any given time. They are usually the aggressor, creative in bed, and  they will get what they want, when they want it. You the man will feel good that she is aggressive, and likes unencumbered sex, however, do not believe she truly cares about your satisfaction. She only wants you to believe she is the best you’ve ever had. Her egocentric epicenter requires such adulation of her sexuality. If you ask to be in control, to make love to her, she may allow you to do so very briefly, despite your moment of sexual glory,  you will end up doing what she wanted anyway. If you are persistent about making love, rather than the typical sex acts, she will begin to find ways to avoid the sex until you give back in to her desires. They will tell you that you’re the best in bed, and another time, they’re saying you’re doing it all wrong or come up with excuses to avoid sex.  They’ll lead you on and then shut you down. If there is a problem regarding infrequency of sex, you will always be to blame. If they cheat on you, it will be because they were entitled/justified to do so because you simply did not fulfill their sexual needs. Then they will expect you to stick around after the affair because you will never find someone as good as she was to you, sexually or otherwise.

Their arrogance and ego coupled with the emotional and sexual prowess will have you eating from their hand. You will relinquish your dignity, your pride, and you will submit to their every desire.  The problem with man is, his gender innate reaction is to figure this all out, that there is a plausible and logical explanation for her actions. Hate to be the bearer of bad news guys, there is none!  All the bad experiences of their youth, the possible doting and enabling of parents/family where it concerns the disordered female gender, created what you see today. The unfortunate reality is, they never left the child/adolescent stage of their life.   Have you ever noticed how juvenile some of their thought processes and reactions are, as if you are dealing with 6 year old little girl? This six year old is a devil in an adult costume! This person you love has chosen her path, and there is nothing you can do to help her. She must recognize her condition for what it is and seek help on her own, which I can assure you, she will avoid at all costs. If you to encourage her to seek help, it will most likely create additional abuse in the relationship. So my question is to all you abused males out there, what do you lose by severing the relationship? Maybe the question is, what do you gain by severing the relationship? Your sanity, self-esteem and dignity! Sure you could lose a good part of your social circle, but whose to say that some of that social circle was good for you? There are so many opportunities in life to make new friends. And of course, those sexual ties. Would you not be more happy to have a relationship, with trust, fidelity, intimacy at all levels and settle for good sex, instead of incredible sex, no trust, no fidelity, and no true intimacy? Remember the abuse too gentlemen!

Your NPD/BPD chose to maintain her dysfunctional needs throughout  life, and she expects you to fulfill such needs.  If you do not comply, she will simply make you suffer until you eventually submit. When you do conform, she will continue to gain more control over you by the continued abuse. These conditioned and/or conscious acts will only get worse as you the man try harder to please her or make the relationship work. This precedence you set by submitting only serves her and you continue down the rocky cliff, beaten and battered, weakened to the point of being an emotional prisoner.The approval you seek from her shall always be an effort in futility. SHE IS INSATIABLE!!

The lies, deception, depreciation, their egocentric attitudes, haughty/arrogant demeanor, and the sarcasms will never end, despite what you do to improve the relationship. What she says you have become, is exactly what she has always been.  If she feels you are ready to distance yourself, she will remind you of the few good times you shared together and draw you back into the lion’s den. You will make excuses for her in your mind, when it is truly denial you speak to yourself. You are a mere object and  supply for her self-gratification. Morals and ethics are purely words without meaning, except to create a standard by which morals and ethics serve as an entitlement to defy. It is the double-standard by which they live.  Only to be bad and get away with it, satiates their weakened, possibly non-existent system of human values.

The emotional depth of true love is of no interest to a Female NPD/BPD. They are more concerned with mechanics of the relationship, i.e., if I push this button, he will react this way, if I jerk his chain this way, he will react that way, etc.  Men can never be unified or truly intimate with a NPD/BPD woman, for they view the man in object presence or for physical need.  The emotions they can exude are purely for themselves, i.e., they would briefly mourn the loss of the object/physical presence and acts of service that men commonly perform. It’s their own perception of what love meant to them, not reality. The man was simply functional and subservient. You were the emotional punching bag, the mouth for adulation and compliments, and you were the penis for her orgasm sake. All you do is serve her physical/mechanical functions. Here’s a wake-up call men,..you are, or were being exploited.

Much of creation in these women’s dysfunctional world come from demanding, emotionally inept  mothers/fathers that want their daughters to be liberated from a dominant male world environment. Now, this is not to say being taught to more independent is a bad thing, it’s more about what the parents did not teach, which are ethics, morality, and most of all, gender equality. The past four decades have created more women that are independent, educated, excelling in the corporate world, in politics, law, etc. And most women accept  their work colleagues as equals, however, where it concerns their significant other, it is far from equal. Historically, women primarily took care of the home front, and husbands would show their appreciation by taking them to special dinners, buy the flowers, bring special gifts, etc. The quandary today is this, women still have more rights in the areas of law/court system, i.e. child custody,significantly less incarceration for misdemeanors, felonies, and contempts (especially physical abuse.) Women are still considered minorities and continue to receive entitlements as such. They are many more disparities too numerous to mention, and despite their quote unquote “equal status” today, men are still expected to place  women on that pedestal like they did in past years as working mothers and homemakers. Women view this as a preconceived entitlement, that they deserve to be on that pedestal by virtue of their gender. Women say it “makes me feel good, it’s romance, I feel special when a man treats me to fine dinners, special trips, buys me flowers.” Believe it or not, in today’s world of equality, men want to feel special too!   Men don’t want women to use their vagina as a coercion tool. If all things were equal, men should be able to coerce women because they have a penis, right?!  Let me know when that has ever happened!!!  Quite frankly, if a woman uses sex as a tool to keep the man giving, then, could it not be construed as a facsimile of prostitution? Don’t misinterpret what I’m trying to convey, I enjoy making a women feel good at all levels, however, the minute a woman uses sex as means to punish me for not being as giving as she perceives I should be, then that is not a true relationship.

Personality disordered women are worst violators of equality. They don’t care that her man’s penis is involved in this too, because she figures she can get a penis most anywhere. Therefore, you are not equal by any stretch of her imagination. Hence, entitlement. We are seeing more of such narcissistic, arrogant and haughty attitudes amongst professional women that want their cake and eat it too.  In their minds, a man must “get with the program” and understand how the system must work in order for the man to receive sex from them. It has become a less than an equal proposition for men these days.  Am I stereo-typing?..absolutely not. The truth is though, there is a strong percentage of  emotionally healthy professional women that work the system and utilize the double-standard they so feel entitled to.  Many a man have been literally led to the “poor house” by this preconceived notion of female entitlement.   I could go on about this topic however, what we want to understand here is this, an educated professional woman that has a, NPD/BPD/Histrionic condition will be a man’s ultimate hell where it concerns working both sides of the fence to get what they want. Tell her you want to feel special, maybe have her pay for dinner some night, and then watch the fireworks begin!! You will be viewed as unromantic, inconsiderate, and will be depreciated like you’ve never been before. It will be broadcasted to friends and acquaintances, (especially other women).  These highly educated, savvy women will take  sexuality, and  equality to the highest self-serving level. It’s a form of male exploitation, and the sad part is, many women with relatively healthy personalities choose to  “work the system” as well. This presents a very grim outlook for men for some years to come. Don’t give up guys, there are  plenty of very appreciative women still out there.  It will just take longer to sift through the dating pool, and find a woman that has good  morals, ethics, and considers her significant other as a true equal.

Gentlemen, I know how hard it is to leave someone you love. Here is your next wake-up call,..however long you’ve been in the abusive relationship is how long you’ve been in a “coma.”  I use this analogy because when you wake up you will realize, the love you felt while in that “coma” (duration of relationship), was of your own creation. What she created was the facade for your perceived love to exist. Therefore, it was real to you, not to her. As well, when you endure such abuse, the only thing in a man’s mind that can make him feel good, something to hang onto in order to justify him staying in the relationship is love. In actuality, it was not truly love, it is created love. In other words, a fantasy love.  Remember, as I mentioned earlier, ”do not believe a damn thing they say.”  When that ”L” word comes out of their mouth, it’s all part of the facade.  I can assure you, as I have been there myself, there is nothing more hurtful to a man than to be taken for a fool, for a woman to strip us of our male pride, dignity, and worst of all, to perjure the heart of a genuine loving man.

If there is any man out there that is still in an abusive relationship, feel free to comment or ask questions and likewise, if there are men that have broken the ties of an abusive relationship that wish to seek some more answers or contribute to those still in these abusive relationships, this blog especially welcomes your support and comments.

The content of this publication or any publication on this blog site, is not to be construed as a replacement for professional help in these respective areas.  Any responses to enquiries are strictly in the opinion of the blog originator(s) , therefore, it is the responsibility of such enquirers to apply due diligence concerning accuracy,validity, and mindful use of this blogs information, content and/or suggestions.